Apr 10 2013

Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “Playing for Keeps”

It’s time for the “Regrettable Book of the Week™”! Yay! For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

How about a sports-themed romance with a monochromatic cover? Sound and look familiar? Let’s see how silly I can make it.

PLAYING FOR KEEPSThe Tagline:

Love knows no boundaries.

The blurb:

D’Eston’eE Dufresne’s motto is “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice and I’ll burn your fucking house down!” She’s tired of the game of love and has sworn off men. Players, all of them. As chief statistician for the Studs, a professional men’s basketball team from Kentucky, easier said than done since she’s around the more aggravating sex All. Day. Long.

LeJuan Beauregard has never met a woman who didn’t leap into his bed…eventually. The odds are in his favor that the prickly little spitfire who records all his baskets, rebounds, and free-throw percentages, will find her way there, too. He’ll turn up the charm to eleven and pursue his target night and day to make sure that happens.

When D’Eston’eE and LeJuan miss the bus home after a crushing defeat by the Okefenokee Swampers, they are forced to endure harsh elements, creepy backwoods natives and a wild ride on a raft down the rapids with an amorous pig farmer in pursuit. D’Eston’eE is nearly ready to give in to a night of passion with her dribbling savior until she learns a brutal truth:  LeJuan grew up in the Okefenokee and might have had a hand in engineering the entire ordeal…if they were ever in danger to begin with.

Can LeJuan prove to the only woman to capture his heart that he’s an innocent victim of circumstances or will D’Eston’eE’s fury incinerate not only his hopes but the man himself?

Ok, so I threw a little Deliverance in there for shits and giggles, too. Told you these were supposed to be bad, bad, bad. This one can’t be anything but that. Really.

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE

By • Regrettable Covers • • Tags: , , ,

Apr 3 2013

Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “The Marshaling of Kitty”

I’m back! Did you miss me? Sorry for the hiatus but life sort of got in the way and left me a little drained, time- and creativity-wise.

Today I have another book for my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

I’m in the mood for another western. How about if I “borrow” and fuse a couple of old television shows from my youth and give them a modern twist of the old nipple clamps? Let’s see what you think…

MarshallingofKittyThe Tagline:

Where there’s smoke, there’s an inferno.

The blurb:

Miss Kitty has every reason to avoid Sheriff Marshall Dylan. He’s a man of the law and she’s a lawless lady of the evening, the madame of the local whorehouse, actually. Yet, their friendship, forged in the wilds of the Kansas territory when they were innocent teens, has endured. While their professions might put them at odds at night, during the day, their association is above reproach. Or is it?

When Marshall’s new deputy, Barney Phieffe stumbles across a tunnel beneath Kitty’s hotel, he makes a macabre discovery. The nude and very dead body found chained to the wall in a secret chamber is that of a notorious gunslinger last seen entering Miss Kitty’s saloon. All clues lead to Kitty as his murderer, but the sheriff is reluctant to arrest her. What Barney discovers as he digs deeper into Miss Kitty’s story will shock and horrify the town of Dodgeville.

Could the town’s own sheriff be in cahoots with its madame in deadly game of kink and mouse?

Gunsmoke meets Mayberry RFD meets Dexter! Yes, I have a twisted imagination because I would totally love to read or write this dark little tale of buffoonery and mayhem. If they can rewrite the Austen classics with zombies, turn Lincoln into a vampire, surely I can turn a lawman and a madame into the Bonnie and Clyde of kinky vigilantism.

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE

By • Regrettable Covers • • Tags: , , , ,

Mar 26 2013

Sorry, But No Regrettable Book this week. :(

I’m out of town on business and just got a very unexpected but very welcome request from a literary agent for one of my other pen name’s projects. So…I’ve been scrambling to assemble a response for that and something had to give. Alas it’s this week’s regrettable.

I’ll be back with more nonsense soon though. Promise!

By • Regrettable Covers •

Mar 20 2013

Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “White”

Another book for my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

Let’s go for some pretentious minimalism today, shall we? Sort of like The Beatles White Album or Spinal Tap’s Black album (Nigel Tufts says, “How much blacker could it be? Answer. None.”) The line between genius and stupid is so very paper thin. Love those really vague blurbs that seem packed with tantalizing phrases, but collectively, they make no sense or it’s an homage to some obscure philosopher. To wit:
White

The Tagline:

Absence or infinity–one choice is all that separates them.

The blurb:

White light is all colors blended. A celestially crafted combination of an infinite number of components. White on canvas is the utter lack of color. Two polar extremes as white as the snow from the poles themselves. Two individuals as diametrically opposed as they are the same. The tangible vs. the intangible.

All is not as it seems.

Danger lurks at every corner.

Will she see it in time? Will he save her?

What secrets does the white canvas hold?

White.

Infinity.

White.

Nothingness.

Bliss or Destruction–only one choice separates them.

Do they dare make that choice?

The difference between all that could be and all that never was.

Huh? Ever read a blurb and think, “Either I am not smart enough to read this book or everyone else who claims it is so deep and wonderful is simply proclaiming the grandeur of the Emperor’s New Clothes”? Oh, but at least there’s a lot of sex in this one! Can’t you tell?  ;)

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE

By • Regrettable Covers • • Tags: , , ,

Publishing News! More Succubus Stories!

Mar 14 2013

Publishing News! More Succubus Stories!

Yes, I have TEN (10) more succubus tales coming shortly. But these are very different from my prior stories. These are darker, moodier, edgier. There are no happy endings, though a couple might earn a tentative “happy for now” if you consider the term to be extremely relative. Some are pure erotica. Others are erotic horror. None of them are erotic romances. Just want to be really clear.

All of them are kick-ass stories set in a wide, wide range of worlds and situations. I’ll have contemporary, sci-fi, pirates, historical, paranormal (well they all are to some degree since they all feature succubi), dystopian, post-apocalyptic, to name a few.

I will be releasing three (3) volumes of short stories with each volume being about 10-12k in length and consisting of three to four stories each. If you want all three volumes, I’ll also be releasing a “boxed set” of all three volumes, ten stories.

Volume 1 coming May 2013!

Here are the covers (subject to some tweaking) and a little bit about the ladies featured in each volume:

Succubus Bites Vol1alt2 Succubus Bites Vol2alt
Succubus Bites Vol3 Succubus Bites RRRalt

And their stories:

Volume One:  Reformation

In section one, Reformation, three creationary tales reveal how a succubus might be made and why, whether through deception or force. These dark stories highlight the loss of a woman’s power when she succumbs to her baser instincts and as a result becomes a slave to them.

BRONWYN is a young woman unable to resist an attraction to a mysterious man she has exchanged glances with for several weeks running. Encouraged by her friend, she finally musters the courage to introduce herself. Her admirer, however, has more sinister intentions in mind.

CORINNE AND DELILAH introduces us to two destitute sisters, who are clutching to the fringes of polite eighteenth century English society. Their only hope of survival is to find husbands amongst the gentlemen they meet at a ball. Their unwise choices, however, offer more radical solutions than any they could have anticipated.

ERIN awakens in a laboratory, as helpless and blank as a newborn. She’s told her name is Erin, but a growing sense of awareness warns her it’s not. She’s told she needs tutoring. She’s told she must never disobey males or she’ll be euthanized. What the hell is going on?

Volume Two:  Rage

In section two, Rage, the three succubi featured need men to satisfy their carnal appetites, but are unhappy creatures and contemptuous of their prey.

MAEVE is an office worker who targets her philandering boss. She easily seduces him one afternoon in the office, all the while plotting his downfall.

QUETZL is a virtual succubus who lives in a video game as an obstacle the players must overcome in order to win. Her methods are as stealthy as they are carnal, and once targeted, few players ever make it past her.

URSULA’s world is a zombie apocalyptic nightmare. She is one of a group of survivors, who face the constant threat of a gruesome death and resurrection. Life isn’t so nice inside their stronghold either as the strong and the arrogant attempt to take advantage of those they perceive–at their peril–to be weak.

Volume Three:  Recreation

Section three is entitled Recreation. The succubi in these stories have found methods of co-existing with humans, though they still guard the secret of their nature and are not all angels when having their fun.

FELICITY disguises herself as a man to sail aboard a pirate vessel. The men onboard have no idea that the succubus visiting each of them in their dreams is their baby-faced shipmate, “Phil”.

SOLANGE is the only librarian able to put up with the high-handed antics of one of the university’s young professors. Within the stacks however, she has her own lesson to teach the arrogant young man.

HELENA is also in a university setting only she has her eye on the handsome professor she’s been denying herself all semester. Now that finals are over, the gloves are off.

TASMIN lives in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where the few survivors must fight for scarce resources. Picked up as a hitchhiker, she makes a deal with her sleazy savior; only a starving succubus is not always capable of reigning in her appetite.

Ten stories. Eleven intriguing women / succubi.

Volume 1 coming May 2013!

Add to your Goodreads shelf NOW:

Succubus Bites (Vol 1): ReformationVol 1


Succubus Bites (Vol 2): RageVol 2

 

Succubus Bites (Vol 3): RecreationVol 3


Succubus Bites -- vols 1, 2, 3Boxed set

 

By • Announcements, Succubus Anthology • • Tags: , ,

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