Regrettable Book of the Week™ — "The Lacemaker's Husband"
Today I have the twelfth in my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.
I’ve seen a lot of books about wives lately: The Time Traveler’s Wife, Ahab’s Wife, The Pilot’s Wife, A Reliable Wife, etc. Where are the husband books? Huh? Where? Well, let’s fix that, shall we, beginning with The Lacemaker’s Husband.
First the tagline:
Can a hardened Viking warrior and a vanquished lacemaker live together without driving each other crazy?
The blurb:
Godfrey Dottirschmulkergaard can take any woman he chooses, from any city or village he and his fellow Vikings pillage and plunder. Handsome, fierce and powerful, his conquests are the stuff of nightmares…and fantasies.
Expert tatter, Bridget MacDougal refuses to flee when the tall ships arrive in her coastal village. She’s not going to be run out of her home by anyone, let alone a savage from the north with the worst table manners of anyone she’s ever met!
Godfrey can’t believe his eyes or ears when this tiny slip of a woman not only stands up to his threats, but insists he help her wind her lace-making threads. She’s got a wedding gown to adorn and no one–civilized or not–is going to prevent her from completing the job. If torching Bridget’s house, kicking her dog and ripping her doilies to shreds hasn’t cowed her into submission, perhaps bedding the maddening lacemaker will finally break her spirit.
But if Godfrey wants the MacDougal lairdship as the cherry on top, he’ll also have to marry Bridget and establish conjugal residency for six months. Can a Viking warrior survive a half year of domesticity with the beautiful red-headed harridan or will Bridget’s fiery temper drive Godfrey to beg for an early ship to Valhalla?
Who doesn’t love a good hen-pecked Viking story? **scans the room for raised hands and finding none sighs** Did I mention this was a parody?
Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so. I’ve got a couple of guest contributors warming up on the sidelines. More in the months ahead. Cheers.
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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.
Lila, I wait for these every week but this week you have out done yourself. I could not stop laughing.
a vanquished lacemaker snort, kicking her dog and shredding her doilies giggle guffaw, Hen-pecked Viking I think I may have peed myself a little I was laughing so hard. and the man on the cover peeking through the lace LOL! Thanks I needed this this morning.
LOL…Thanks Mawmom! Glad I tickled your funny bone. Those were my favorite bits, too. 🙂
Dottirschmulkergaard? Now … how exactly do you pronounce that? Baahahahahaa 🙂
No idea…I just started typing and throwing in letter combos that sounded and/or looked Norse’ish. I think Bridget may have been the first married woman to keep her maiden name. LOL
That’s sure to be a stormy six months! Poor Godfrey Dottirschmulkergaard…
Nice job on the latest regrettable. Lila!
Thanks, m’dear! Serves ol’ Godfrey right, though, for kicking her dog and shredding her doilies! Never mess with the doilies!
LOL, this was hilarious, thank you!
Glad you got a laugh from it, Angela! Hope you’ll return and check out future ones too. 🙂
His name….LOL
You’ve outdone yourself once again. Too funny.
Thanks, Ratmom! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.