Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “Wee Willy’s Factory of Wonka Men”

January 9, 2013

Today I have the sixteenth in my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

This one started off as kooky speculative fiction full o’ man-titty, then sort of meandered around until it ended up being quite sweet and not that regrettable at all…at least not to me. I’ll let you judge, though. The cover is definitely regrettable other than the rainbow of chesticles.

The Tagline:

Blue, green, or purple–a Wonka man is worth stealing for even if it means he’ll lose his heart to a Wonka woman in the process.

The blurb:

Wilhemina Wonka’s cushy life hits a speed bump when her father and older brother are tragically killed in an industrial accident. With no other heirs, the Wonka factory—the leading producer of lifelike male replicants—passes to “Wee Willy”, as her father always called her. Unfortunately the secrets to the Wonka 7.0 and the plans for the Wonka 8.0 have also passed on to the great big factory in the sky. Willy faces crushing competition from the Crab Apple 2.0, a suspiciously similar competitor’s imitation, unless she can roll out the Wonka 8.0 and soon!

Dillenger Blowmist has lived a swindler’s existence for most of his twenty-seven years. Conning clueless heiresses is his particular specialty, and now he’s got his eye on the mousey Miss Wonka. Seems she’s in a bit of a bind and needs some superior engineering skills. While he doesn’t know a whit about the subject, he’s not about to let that stop him from worming his way into her heart and her purse.

But Willy is nobody’s fool and quickly discovers and thwarts Dillenger’s machinations. She offers the handsome rogue a better plan instead: put his wiles to use in stealing back the Wonka 8.0 plans from Crab Apple Corporation and she’ll make him a full partner. Dillenger should run, should move on to the next heiress, but something about Wee Willy has him staying. Suddenly the idea of being her partner in more ways than one might just tempt him into a completely new line of work.

Now, dear readers, you certainly cannot say there is inadequate male flesh in this particular cover…even if it isn’t flesh-colored. No, ma’am and no sir!

One very unregrettable discovery I’ve made while doing this series is I have a ton of stories in me. I may have moved on to novels, novellas and novelettes, but deep down I’ll always be a flash fiction / short story girl.

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.