Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “I ABsolutely Love You”

Today I have the seventeenth in my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

This one is all about the bare chest, the male bare chest, specifically and in every sense of the word.


The Tagline:

Beauty may only be skin deep but desire goes deeper than muscle.

The blurb:

Tina Theriot hates to exercise. It’s messy, smelly and the most uncouth grunting noises always seem to accompany exertion. No thank you. Walking the mall in search of the perfect high heel is the closest she’ll get and that includes frequent breaks to see and be seen in the Galleria coffee shop.

Tina is exactly the sort of woman Dick Manley despises–spoiled, pampered and more concerned with camouflaging her body flaws with expensive designer wear than in perfecting what God gave her. The only thing worse than women like Tina are women who hire him as their personal trainer and expect overnight results in time for their class reunion. He’s spent nearly twenty years battling his childhood pudge the old-fashioned way–through hard work. There are no magic pills or lotions or creams.

When Tina’s son is diagnosed with type two diabetes, the single mother realizes she must set a better example and seeks out Dick’s personal training services. Though he is quite possibly the rudest, most belligerent muscle-head she’s ever met, she’s determined to change for her son’s sake. At least Dick’s got a decent six-pack and a pair of buttocks tight enough to bounce a Jimmy Choo off.

Can Dick see the iron-hearted woman lurking beneath those extra pounds? Can Tina see beyond the hardbody exterior hiding the wounded soul of a bullied boy? And if they can, will that insight lead to contempt or love or just another transaction for both of them? Will Tina lose the weight? Will Dick set aside his fat prejudices? Does Jimmy Choo make a sneaker? Is Dick’s tummy divet and inny or an outie?

OK, I sort of devolved into wackiness with that last regrettable paragraph, but it was getting late and I was tired so you get what you get. Other than that, how’m I doing on the man-flesh this week? Nice, huh?


Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.


Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE