Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “The Bully Takes a Bride”

October 17, 2012

Today I have the fourth in my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. You’ve seen them. They’re the books that scream “homemade” and just make you wanna cringe. The cover totally sucks, the author / publisher is taking herself waaaay too seriously, and/or the blurb / tagline is beyond ridiculous or is very poorly written.

This week, I thought I’d try a little May / December with:

First the tagline:

“When a forty-something business mogul’s biological clock chimes for an heir, selecting a bride should be a side errand at lunch. If his choice is a sassy young waitress who has rejected every marriage proposal she’s ever received, he’s going to have tap his inner caveman to change her mind.”

The blurb:

Sultry beauty Maria Sue Garcia could have had her choice of men, but caring for her ailing mother has put her off the market. No sacrifice is too great for the woman who worked three jobs to keep Maria in crumping lessons and out of the gangs of east L.A.

Steele Cavendish has worked most of his forty-five years, squeezing every ounce of value from what most would consider waste. He’s a man who refuses to take no for an answer and that bullheaded determination has amassed him an impressive financial empire.

Steele needs a succession plan. It’s time to wed and bring the next Cavendish CEO into the world. That hot-blooded Latin waitress from the hole-in-the-wall diner he’s been trying to buy would be perfect–curvaceous birthing hips and lush breasts made for motorboating in addition to nourishing his future offspring. Despite her enthusiastic yes’s to his expert love-making, her answers to his repeated proposals have remained firmly in the ‘no’ camp. Little does Maria know that Steele is not above bull-dozing his prize to the altar if that’s what it takes. But what Steele needs to learn is Maria’s price is his heart and no amount of bullying will make her accept anything less.

Haha…crumping lessons!! Going for “high concept” with that, don’t you know. And look what’s back! Man-titty!! OMG, this week’s book is full of regrettable win.

Do you have ideas for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments! Cheers.

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.