Regrettable Book of the Week™ — "Dessert Lover"

Today I have the eighth in my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

I hate misspellings and one of the most common ones I’ve seen is confusing “dessert” with “desert” especially since I used to live in New Mexico, the Land of Enchantment and truly a desert-y type place. I’ve seen this misspelling in several published books but never on the cover, until now:

First the tagline:

“Sometimes the most fertile experiences are found in the most barren of places…”

The blurb:

New graduate Buffy O’Toole always thought she’d teach at one the prep schools on the east coast. After all, she’s a product of them herself and has nothing but happy memories of those days. Earning her teacher’s certificate should have enabled her to return, but when a momentary lapse in judgment renders her disowned and virtually unemployable, those dreams evaporate faster than a Walmart advertised special on a Black Friday.

An influential family friend offers Buffy a second chance–teach for one year at an impoverished Native American school in the high mountain desert of New Mexico and he’ll secure her a position at Miss Kennedy’s Equestrian and Finishing School for Fine Ladies in Martha’s Vinyard. Reluctantly she agrees.

Adrift amongst a people already suspicious and distrustful of the white man, Buffy must learn to set aside her prejudices and embrace the First People. However, two men, Chad Rutting-Stallion and Greg Mounting-Bull, want She Who Wears Twin Sets gone and are willing to use extreme measures to achieve their goal. They have no desire to be some rich white woman’s charity project, even if that white woman has the softest skin they’ve ever touched or tasted, and even if she happens to enjoy a little too much their dangerously seductive games of cowgirl and indians.

With her year nearly over, will Buffy be able to leave her savage First Men or will she run home to her civilized First love?

First debrief point I want to make is I mean no disrespect at all to Native Americans so I hope none is taken. After all, November IS Native American month…or so I was told.

Second–notice my name is taking a more commanding position on the cover? Yeah, I figure by book eight, I’ve earned it.

Third–could I have put any more phallic symbols on the cover? It’s actually a pretty cover I’d be proud to affix to the right story.

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.  I’ve got a couple of guest contributors warming up on the sidelines. More in the months ahead. Cheers.


Disclaimer:  “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.